Letter About Love

John Steinbeck

Over the last week “LOVE” has captivated my mind. I can’t stop thinking about it and this is why I wrote the previous post. Usually, after finishing a text about a specific topic my mind jumps into another. But with love that didn't happen.

Few months back I read the following letter, written by a father to his son about love. I want to share these wonderful and wise words with all of you out there. I share this, hoping all parents would talk to their children about love and life in this manner.

In the year 1958, Nobel laureate John Steinbeck wrote this letter in response to his son Thom’s letter, confessing his love for a girl.

The letter is complete by itself and needs no embellishment from me or anybody else. It’s tender and optimistic; the way a father responds to his son. It’s the way we all should adopt, a way without prejudice or envy; free and sincere. After all it is all about love, being in love and becoming love.

New York

November 10, 1958

Dear Thom:

We had your letter this morning. I will answer it from my point of view and of course Elaine will from hers.

First — if you are in love — that’s a good thing — that’s about the best thing that can happen to anyone. Don’t let anyone make it small or light to you.

Second — There are several kinds of love. One is a selfish, mean, grasping, egotistical thing which uses love for self-importance. This is the ugly and crippling kind. The other is an outpouring of everything good in you — of kindness and consideration and respect — not only the social respect of manners but the greater respect which is recognition of another person as unique and valuable. The first kind can make you sick and small and weak but the second can release in you strength, and courage and goodness and even wisdom you didn’t know you had.

You say this is not puppy love. If you feel so deeply — of course it isn’t puppy love.

But I don’t think you were asking me what you feel. You know better than anyone. What you wanted me to help you with is what to do about it — and that I can tell you.

Glory in it for one thing and be very glad and grateful for it.

The object of love is the best and most beautiful. Try to live up to it.

If you love someone — there is no possible harm in saying so — only you must remember that some people are very shy and sometimes the saying must take that shyness into consideration.

Girls have a way of knowing or feeling what you feel, but they usually like to hear it also.

It sometimes happens that what you feel is not returned for one reason or another — but that does not make your feeling less valuable and good.

Lastly, I know your feeling because I have it and I’m glad you have it.

We will be glad to meet Susan. She will be very welcome. But Elaine will make all such arrangements because that is her province and she will be very glad to. She knows about love too and maybe she can give you more help than I can.

And don’t worry about losing. If it is right, it happens — The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.

Love,

Fa

Happy Living – Love Simply

I often ponder: what purpose does life serve and what’s the meaning of life.  What is “this” that we all seek? Why every act, every choice we make is the way it is!

One of the most well-known wars of all times occurred due to love, or let’s say for the desire to possess love: the war of Troy. Philosophers and poets have said since time immemorial that the only thing worth living and dying for is ‘love’ while scientists often claim that love is nothing but a series of inexplicable chemical reaction. Whatever it is, without love life wouldn't procreate for humans I suppose.

Does everything happen for love? Is love the root motivation for all our actions and thoughts? And what is love and how can we conceive it or create it or achieve it; how can we make our self-worthy of love. And by love I always refer to true love. Because true love has nothing to do with “love” that the social norms wants us to believe in. Only if we would realize how fulfilling and peaceful it is to be in love and love truly; our lives would be much happier and meaningful.

Love is simply love and needs nothing tangible to exist or happen. It’s all about our choices. We can’t coerce love. All we can do is make ourselves worthy of love and let someone acknowledge that. And if our love is not reciprocated or not in equal measure or to the degree we want it to, it doesn't mean that our love isn't fulfilled. Love is both a mean and its end. Just like a road that is its own destination. 

A friend of mine once told me “love is the only action that need not have a reaction”. It is self-fulfilling, complete within itself.

And those of you, who have loved truly, know that love gives you absolute freedom. There is no love without freedom and no freedom without love. So live and love free; live for love and live simply. For me that’s the only way of living and loving, to be free and without fear.

True love is simple anyway. Loving without desire to possess and being ourselves who we truly are, allowing our loved ones to be who they are and setting ourselves and them free. No complicated things and behaviors are needed to love or be loved. If you desire to be loved, just be yourself, allow your true self to emerge and emancipate, just like a flower doesn't pretend to be what it isn't. It simply is and remains. Sooner or later the person meant to be the “one” for you will find you. Respect yourself. Set yourself free and love will captivate you.

Love is not related just with humans, but with animals, trees, flowers, the sun and the moon…everything on earth and it comes in all forms. But for this post I would focus on romantic love in humans.

Simplicity is the key to fulfillment. By adding some simple acts of caring and sharing in your everyday life you can revitalize your relationship and express your feelings for your beloved ones. Simple act that need no preparation, time or money or even efforts but show that we care are what is truly needed. Let’s look at some examples:

Love Rock

We often don’t hug or hold or touch enough. Simple acts of holding hands and wandering together by the sea or in nature or in your own alley, or while watching a movie at home could perk things up. Touching the neck or running fingers through the hair anywhere in the house shows that you care. Giving an impromptu rub or massage especially when it is not expected will do wonders.

Give a good morning and good night kiss to your lover every single day without fail. More kisses through the day are better. Even if you are physically apart, you can say it through messaging or by telepathy. It is free, needs no effort and also burns calories! Show to your beloved one that you are there and you truly care.

Cook a romantic dinner together or simply cook together. Even if you are the one without culinary skills, you can always do the dishes or chop the vegetables or simply be there in the kitchen. No great chef skills or expensive ingredients are required to prepare a simple dish for your beloved. Even chopping some fresh fruits and feeding each other is enough for that special feeling.

Surprise each other occasionally. Keep your relationship alive by making simple changes to your daily routine. An unexpected phone call telling her /him how beautiful/handsome she/he looked in the morning and just fixing an appointment to meet outside, in a  place you both don’t go often and spend some time together, talking about you and your thoughts, is enough to rejuvenate and fan your love.

Offer a special gift. I don’t mean an expensive gift. Anyone can buy gifts from a shop, but get something that is unique. It can be a song sung by you, or a special rock you picked up from the outdoors, or a beautiful seashell or a sketch you made. You don’t need to be Picasso to draw something for your lover.

Sleep naked every night with your lover and you will realize how rejuvenating it can be for your love life, not to mention the health benefits caused by the growth hormone released while sleeping naked. Couples who sleep naked have better relationship due to the oxytocin hormone which is released by skin contact and is known as the bonding hormone. Believe me it feels so warm, even during winter.

These are some of the daily tips which can help make our life happier and simpler. Most of all be creative and be simple. But always remember that love grows deep within us. No one can plant it there. It is already inside you, its energy already exists like a seed deep inside the earth waiting for the right conditions to emerge. All love needs that it is allowed to emerge. Set yourself free and love will grow. Love people because you want to give; to offer; not to receive. If we don’t want anything in return there is no way to get disappointed. True love can turn our lives in a non-stop celebration. And we all deserve a life like that. What else are we living for!

We all seek love, but freedom is the secret. And to be free let’s start simplifying our lives.

Adopting simplicity has helped me to enhance the overall quality of my life. Love grew within me and I found love, I got loved.

 So keep it simple and real love will happen.